Happy New Year! Post Idea Stolen from Sarah Van Nus :)

As I sit here this evening reflecting on the year that has just passed me, and thinking about the year that is before, I realize that it is a bittersweet thing...this start of a new year.  It is the passing of time; the only thing that, once gone, can never be recovered.  It is children growing up, parents growing old, grandparents dying-things that happen so quickly.  Often, we barely notice the passing of time until it is to late to get back that good night kiss, that lesson taught over how to make the perfect biscuit, that chance to forgive or be forgiven.  But in spite of the sadness that comes from reflecting on the lost year, joy comes from hopes of the new one.  New babies to plan for, a first year of school to be excited by, together times as a family at the beach or in the mountains.  And even though we are not promised one single day, we take delight, as we should, in making plans for the future.  As James points out, "If God wills it, we will do this or that."  There is no wrong in remembering the past...we grow and learn from it...we have much to be thankful for in it.  But we must not dwell in it and miss what God is doing right now in front of us.  There is no wrong in planning for the future...we must always "Be Prepared," as any good Boy Scout would say, but we must not waste our time only making plans for the next year, or we will miss the adventure that God has set before us today.  We will miss the blessing, the joy, the grace that is given to us for this moment.  With all of that being said, here is my list commemorating 2011 and looking forward to 2012...

Five things I am thankful for from the past year

I'm going to call these #36-40 on my way to 1000

36.  I am thankful for jobs.  There are so many people struggling to make ends meet right now.  The question daily haunts them of how to pay the electric bill, or mortgage, or even put food on the table for their children.  Forget about things such as new toys for Christmas or even going to dinner at the local Mexican restaurant.  I so take for granted the fact that there is money in the bank.  Out of milk?  Kroger is just down the road.  There's money in the bank to buy it.  But while I'm out to get milk, I also grab some bananas, and cookies, and some of the good (rather expensive) cheese that I like, and a box of cereal (even though there are three opened boxes at home), and so on.  By the time I'm out of the store, I've spent $50.  All because I've got a little money in the bank and no milk in the refrigerator.  Lord, the next time I want to complain about my job or Jason being home a bit late from his, help me to remember that we could be without these jobs that You have provided for us.

37.  My parents.  They have been married for 40 years.  I'm very thankful for the example that I see in them.  Once the passion of being "in love" wears off,  you realize that true love is hard work and the two of you really taking on that "becoming one" thing that everyone talks about on the wedding day.  Not saying that my passion for Jason is gone after 7 1/2 years...I'm still madly in love with that man (and there are many days that I fall in love with him all over again).  But I can understand that when the flurry of passion flickers instead of flames, when the busy-ness of rasing children slows to the quietness of an empty house, when there is nothing but the "two of us" left, and you still, after all that time, like being with each other...enjoy the other's presence...the feel of her lying next to you...the sound of his breathing...that's true love.

38.  Jason...my rock.  The father of my babies.  The washer of my dishes.  The person I can count on to listen to my crazies.  He never judges me.  Always wants me to be happy.  Makes me laugh every day.  Tells me he loves me many times in a day.  And I never doubt it.

39.  God's faithfulness.  It is great.  There is no shadow of turning.  I'm just being very real right now, I've not been a faithful follower of Christ this year.  It seems that everything else has been more important than my time with my Father.  But praise God, His heart is not the one that does the changing.  He does not turn His back on me.  I'm the one who walks away, and He stays right there, waiting for me to turn my heart back to Him.  Read below about the 5 things I want to change for this year for more about how I plan to remedy this.

40.  Shawn and Mindy Moore.  Our dear friends who moved to Texas about 2 weeks ago.  I'm so very thankful to have had them as a part of my life over the past 2-3 years.  I'm also so very sad that they had to move, but I'm thankful that God has a plan for them and that they are seeing that unfold in their lives.  I miss them very much, but I'm also looking at it as an opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and make some new friends.  Shawn, Mindy, Ian, Owen...we love y'all and miss y'all very much!

**I'll add an extra, but I already talk about them so much, it feels like y'all already know I'm thankful for my boys.  For the smart, funny, sweet, huggable, kind little men they are growing up to be.  I thank God for them every day.

Five things I want to change in 2012

1.  I want to be so much more careful with the way we spend money.  It is my desire for next year to be my last year teaching.  I want to go back to being a stay at home mom.  Jason and I are still trying for another baby, so we will see where that adventure takes us, and I just really want to be able to spend my time taking care of my own children.  Jason and I have even started talks of...gulp...homeschooling.  The only way that any of that can happen is by us tightening our belts, getting rid of our debt, and learning to live lives that are less cluttered by the "wants" of the flesh.  We are way too materialistic, and I want to change that.  To teach my boys that it's not necessarily bad to have "things," but that those "things" too often become our idols. 

2.  Which leads me to my next "change" category for 2012...my time with God.  Honestly folks, I talk a good talk, but don't really live it out in my daily life.  I profess the name of Christ, but have seen in myself lately that it really goes no further.  I've been in church long enough that I know all of the lingo.  I know the Bible pretty well, but it's not because I've studied it recently...it's all from a life before a husband and kids and jobs.  I'm not passing the blame onto anyone else.  It's totally and completely my fault.  I have let other things...important things...things that SHOULD be important...kids, husband, job...come before my walk with my Father.  And as much as I love my husband and my kids, they are not supposed to come before my time with God.  I've also let rather unimportant things like Facebook and Pinterest come before my relationship with God (sometimes even before my time with Jason and the boys).  So my commitment in 2012 is to renewing my walk with God.  I need only to remember the depths from which he saved me in order to understand how I truly need to spend time at the Master's feet each day.

3.  I want to acheive a new level of self control.  It seems that all of the stumbling blocks in my life seem to stem from this one problem: my lack of self control.  This one Fruit of the Spirit that seems to be missing from my life also seems to drive all others.  I lack patience and kindness with my children because I lack the self-control I need to discipline them properly.  I love my boys to the ends of the earth...I can't imagine life without them, but I spend my time yelling, and threatening.  Not loving and nurturing.  I want to be a better mother...I don't want my boys to one day ask the question, "Hey...do you remember how much Momma used to yell?"  I want them to remember me as kind, and patient, and loving.  I'm praying fervently for this area of my life. 

4.  Also stemming from a lack of self-control...my weight.  I know, I know...the most common New Year's resolution...but seriously...I've got to get this under control or I'm facing some serious health problems.  I'm already feeling it in my feet and knees.  Let alone the threat of diabetes (which runs in my family), high blood pressure (also runs in my family and I've already suffered from this), heart disease, and on and on.  I want to have another baby, but I'm not all together sure that I'm healthy enough to be pregnant right now...maybe that's why Jason and I have been trying since July and haven't had any luck yet when it's always been so easy for us to get pregnant.  I can't believe I'm about to type this, but I weighed myself this morning and it wasn't pretty...far from pretty...251.  OUCH!  I'm putting this here as a reminder to myself...I don't know how many people will actually read it, but if I see it in writing...maybe it will spark something in me to do something about this.  And honestly y'all...it has nothing to do with the number on the scale...If I can be healthy a 190 pounds...so be it. If my blood pressure, and cholesterol, and sugar, and all of that is good...I'm happy.

5.  My last one...this blog.  I want to be more faithful in writing.  I try to teach my students that writing is one of the most important things they will ever do.  That to be a good writer, one needs to do two things...read and write...lots of it.  So expect to see more posts more often.  You may see me hashing out some of these issues I wrote about above.  A hard day of dieting, a cry to God for a deeper walk with Him.  You may see stories about the boys and my triumphs at being more patient.  But whatever it is, I want to write.  Whether or not anyone reads in...well...that's ok.


Five ways I want serve others in 2012

1.  In Sunay School, I want to take the lead in planning fellowships and making sure that people in our class are taken care of.  We've got a couple in our class who are struggling financially right now and God laid them on my heart in December that we as a class needed to do something to take care of those folks in a time of need.  God showed me that there is a need for this ministry in our class.  I want to be obedient to what I hear Him calling me to do.

2.  Assistant coach an UpWard t-ball team this spring.  I don't know enough to be a head coach, but I can get out there and throw balls for kids to run after!

3.  I want to better serve my students this year.  This entails a lot, but the general idea is that my morale as a teacher is very low right now.  There is so much pressure being put on teachers; more training, more testing, more students, less planning time, less instructional time.  The thing I want to remember...it's not my students' fault that all of this...stuff...is being put on me.  I wanted to be a teacher, and that is exactly what I'm going to be.  The extra...stuff...is just that...extra.  And though it may be required of me to stay late for meetings and webinars and blah, blah, blah, I'm not going to let it affect me with in the walls of my classroom during the time I have those kids.  They deserve a teacher who is eager, and excited, and ready to impart wisdom to them. 

4. Notes of encouragement throughout the year to the special people in my life.

5.  I don't know how, with my own full time job and all, but somehow I want to do some volunteer work at Hilltop Elementary, my son's school.  Maybe after school in the library or in his teacher's classroom cleaning up from the day.  I'll just have to see where I can fit in.

Well folks, there it is.  It's a lot.  I know that already, but by the grace of God, I'm looking forward to accomplishing so many great things in 2012.  To God be the glory!!

Multitudes on Monday #27-35

"Oh that my words were written!  Oh that they were inscribed in a book!  That with an iron stylus and lead they were engraved in the rock forever!  As for me, I know that my Redeemer lives and at the last He will take his stand on the earth.  Even after my skin is destroyed, yet from my flesh I shall see God..." Job 19: 23-26

27.  The promise of eternal life with God.  Father, thank You, for overcoming the grave, that I may say with Job that, yes indeed, my Redeemer lives.  And because He lives, I too can live...here on earth and in Heaven with my Jesus. 

"And then one day, I'll cross that river.  I'll fight life's final war with pain.  And then as death gives way to victory, I'll see the light of Glory, and I'll know He lives.  Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.  Because He lives, all fear is gone.  Because I know, He holds my future, and life is worth the living just because He lives."

Someone sang this song at my Pap Paw's funeral in 1995.  And I remember...although it was one of the saddest days of my then 16 years... I remember that song making me happy.  In the midst of my sorrow, the words of this old hymn brought me peace.  I think I now understand the song a little better, now that I've doubled my age.  Because of Christ's sacrifice, we are able to rest securely in His arms in our present and our future.  That song clearly says He holds that future, but life (the here and now) is worth the living because of that sacrifice of Christ.  I stand amazed all over again at the power of the cross...and of the Resurrection.  We can't leave Jesus on the cross or in the grave.  Without the Resurrection, the grave is as far as we would go...but HE LIVES!  And so can we...

And everything seems so trivial after that, but I do have more to thank God for today...

28.  Cooler weather.  We sure did bake this summer in Middle Georgia, and I'm glad to have some 78 degree weather.  The boys (big and small) have been enjoying it, too.  In general, I just love this time of year.  October through December just make me happy.  It's not simply because of the holidays that we celebrate...not the way we celebrate them anyway.  We skip through Thanksgiving just to get to Christmas, when the one thing that most of us could stand is a little less 'stuff' and a little more gratitude.  That's not why I love this time of year.  It's sort of the idea of retreating into my home with my guys and welcoming in those we love.  It's the cooking I get to do because it is my way of showing people that they are important to me.  It's the smell of oranges and cinnamon and apples and cloves bubbling away on my stove.  It's the warmth inside and the chill outside.  The sharp smell of little boys who have just come in from playing in the cool air. 

29.  Thankful for a week off to enjoy the lovely weather.  It's our Fall Break!  And though we're staying close to home, we've got lots to do.  We're going to visit Grandmomma and Granddaddy tomorrow and Wednesday.  We'll hit the fair this weekend, I'm sure.  The boys and I are going to paint some tiny wooden airplanes...I don't really know why; they found them at Walmart for a dollar a piece; I had the paint and brushes...there just wasn't a very good reason to say no.  I may even get some pansies and mums and get some pots going by the front door.  Or maybe something like this...

30.  Jason and I have decided to host a Halloween party this year.  It's our first time to host a real party where I'm getting to decorate and just kind of go all out for it.  A silly thing to be thankful for, but I'm so excited to be hosting it!

31.  A new down comforter that let Jason and I sleep with the windows open last night.  It was glorious! 

32.  A husband who did every.  single.  piece.  of.  laundry.  I'm serious...I did not touch laundry this weekend, because I have the best husband ever...period.

33.  A new book waiting for me on my Kindle.  Charles Frazier's new book Nightwoods.

34.  I am thankful for the blessing of counting these gifts.  That I am able to look past my circumstances (which aren't all that bad to begin with) and thank God for what he has poured out in my life.  I will not let people (at the hands of the devil) steal my joy.  I want to spend my time praising God for his blessings, not harboring anger and bitterness in my heart. 

35.  Where I'm From (With respect to George Ella Lyon)

I am from front porches
from porch swings and creek banks
I am from maple trees and mountain breeze.
(cool--napping at midday in the summer
     heat)

I am from white half runners and "better boys"
the old barns
whose smells I remember
as if they were they were as fresh as a new baby.

I'm from chocolate balls and homemade dills
     from Doris and Rondal U.S.
I'm from sneaking out at nap time
     with Pap Paw for an ice cream
     at the country store.
I'm from unknown languages and
     Victory in Jesus
Mam Maw's strong soprano in the choir

I'm from George and Neva's land
     Day-old biscuts and black coffee
From the leg my grandfather lost
     in the War.
From the scar on Daddy's foot from
     the pitchfork

In my closet--quilts and afghans
an old cow bell--remnants of by-gone days
when the world seemed simpler.
I am from the warmth of these moments
The distant flicker of
lightning bugs in the night.

Did some writing with my kiddos in class today...

Here is what I got on paper...

"Mother and the Baby"

You can never have too much baby.  You can fall asleep and wake up to realize that you've fallen in love all over again, and a baby can save your faith when you think hope is lost.  In this world there is too much anger and not enough baby.  Dimples and grins are too few and so are chubby toes and most things that are beautiful.

Mother, who is weary, who sometimes wishes for a peaceful evening of rest, realized something in the wee hours of the morning.  Mother, who longs for a quiet bath or a chance to sit with a cup of coffee and a book, this morning breathed in that intoxicating scent of a new baby-the spell of heaven. 

She turns to face her husband in bed, the new baby nuzzling her skin, and says come smell this. He looks at her funny, and she says I'm serious.  He slides closer and puts his nose into the baby's fine, blond hair.  Do you smell that?  Do you know what that is?  That's  a second chance.  A second chance?  the husband asked.  A second chance, the mother said, and made it that simple.

Testing...testing...is this thing still on???

It's been way too long since I've posted.  An entire month of school has come and gone.  Elijah and Sawyer both have grown so much in the new school year.  I've met and grown to love a whole new batch of kids.  We come home every day and play and do homework and cook supper and play some more and take baths and brush teeth and study God's word and say prayers and read books and sing songs and tuck in and clean the kitchen and grade papers...all to start over again the next morning.  It's all very routine, but these are the moments in my life that God whispers to me..."Look around you...I've done this just for you."  The school year is in full swing for all of us and in the midst of what can sometimes be chaos, God still pours out his blessings on this unworthy vessel. 

22.  Listening to Elijah read each night.  He's becoming such a little reader...which I absolutely love.  We got his first progress report home last week, and he's right on track with reading, writing, and spelling.  Math is a separate matter.  We have to do some extra work to stay caught up in math...but he is my son.  Insert clever math joke here about the 2x not falling far from the quadratic formula or something like that!

23.  Sawyer is now going to Meadowdale in Perry.  I get to take him to school every day.  I love having that time with that sweet boy each morning and afternoon.  Our favorite things to do are to sing "Oh Happiness" at the top of our lungs and count how many "big trucks" we see between Bonaire and Perry.  He is enamored with the trucks that carry live chickens.

24.  A long weekend.  I know school has only been going for five weeks, but an extra day this weekend was much needed.  We spent the weekend at my parents house surrounded by family.  My sister and her family came (those boys sure do love playing together).  My aunt Joyce and Uncle Harold and cousin Lynn came to visit on Sunday.  Sadly, all too often, I don't get to see my aunts, uncles, and cousins except for Christmastime, so a visit with them this weekend was so much fun.

25.  Listening to my babies say their prayers every night at our family prayer time.  Elijah is growing out of saying the little "poem" kind of prayers.  He actually talks to God, thanks God, praises God...for His goodness and grace, for the cross and the resurrection.  I can't wait to see what God does with this sweet, precious little boy who has such a tender heart.

26.  Sawyer's new teacher talking about how smart he is.  She has been working with her kids on learning a letter of the alphabet each week.  How to write the letter and everything.  Sawyer already recognizes all of the letters and can tell you what each one "says."  He even knows how to write many of them.  Ms. Rachel says that by the time the other kids have written one or two of the letters, Sawyer has filled his paper.  He's such a bright little stinker!

So no pictures tonight.  I just wanted to continue on with my 1000 Gifts list.  I've started one at school as well.  My students are helping me put it together.  This thankfulness project has changed me...well, God has changed me through it.  I find myself being made aware of all of the blessings that I do have in my life instead of dwelling on those that I don't.  I find myself being kinder and more patient with my husband and boys, which is the whole reason I started the journey (go back to see this post).  And continuously saying to myself...

Praise the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all his blessings.
Who forgives all your sins,
And heals all your diseases.
Who satisfies your desires with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. 

New beginnings, new babies

A new school year.  I've never not been in school; I've always been either a student or a teacher.  I refer to a year in terms of August to May.  I've ALWAYS loved the start of a new school year...even as a student.  And...really...even though I may complain about going back to work tomorrow, I am so very excited about the possibilities of the new year that lies ahead of me.

My mind has been turning all day long; running through ideas for the first few days of school.  This is the beginning of my seventh year of teaching, and I'll admit to having butterflies in my stomach tonight.  Questions swirl in my head.  What will my new students be like?  How big will my classes be?  And the ever important...What am I going to wear tomorrow?

As I prepare my heart and mind and my classroom for a new batch of babies (because even in high school, they're still babies), I'm reminded of all new beginnings in life.  We always prepare ourselves for new beginnings.  I mean, we wouldn't bring a new baby home from the hospital without at least some preparations of our homes.  Most of us don't even begin a new day without strengthening our bodies the night before with a good night's sleep.  I have not gone without preparing my classroom for those precious students that will walk through my door tomorrow.  So my question (to myself) is; is my heart prepared for what God wants to do in and through me this year (August to May and beyond)? 

Father, I pray, as this new year begins...please use me.  Make me a minister within the walls of my classroom.  A minister of encouragement, peace, healing...that we may all say at the end of the year, "To God be the glory, great things he has done."

Multitudes on Monday 18-21

18.  Shopping for school supplies.  I always loved this as a kid.  A new lunchbox with a thermos.  A new box of crayons.  These little purple and pink pencils with the individual lead cartridges (they smelled like grapes and strawberries)

 Now I'm getting to take Elijah shopping for school supplies.  He is so excited to start first grade.  I love seeing these moments through the eyes of my own children. 

19.  A weekend visit to my grandmother's house in North Carolina.  I'm so thankful to have been able to grow up visting these mountains during the summer, and now I'm thankful to have been able to take my own children to visit this place that is so vivid in my memory.

20.  A few date nights with my husband before school starts.  Momma and Daddy have the boys, so we don't have to pay daycare for them this week.  God bless my parents...they are the BEST grandparents in the world.  I know how exhausting my two kids can be...read the post called "War Zone" for a picture of what a day with my kids looks like.  It is quite an adventure.  I sure do miss those little boogers when they're not with me.

21.  A new school year.  It makes me sad to see the summer come to an end; all that time with the boys now behind me until next year.  But I am excited to see what God has in store for this new school year.  Having lunch at the Swanson with all of the ladies was the perfect way to start the school year.  Now I just pray that I can get everything done before next Monday.  And I pray for a blessing on this new year.  New students.  Clean slates.  Lord, use me in the lives of my students.  Help me to be a blessing in the lives of the people I come across every day.  Be glorified in my classroom, Father.  Allow it to be a place of peace in the lives of my students.  Help me impart wisdom to these young ones that you are trusting me with. 

Multitude on Mondays #11-17

11.  The boys were up early this morning.  Jason came to the bedroom and shut the door so I could stay in bed for a few extra minutes...My word, how  I love that man.

12.  The smell of freshly perc-ed coffee when I got out of bed this morning.  Made by Jason...did I mention that he's the best husband...EVER?

13.  Watching the news in bed this morning with a cup of that coffee.  I'm enjoying all of these little moments in my last week of summer...next week, it'll be a cup of coffee while I'm driving to work.

14.  A bright, sunshiny day.  I am thankful for the rain and reprieve from the heat we got this weekend, but I'm glad to see the sun again.

15.  A pool and a float.  Again...not too many days left for this!

16.  Angry Birds on the iPod.  It keeps Sawyer busy while I take a shower. 

17.  Have you heard the song "Oh Happiness" by David Crowder?  It is ah-mazing.  Download it to your iPod immediately.  It really makes me happy.  It's about God's grace being big enough to take care of me...yet there's still enough to go around for you, too.  It's a funky little upbeat song.