Seasons of Learning Part 1

So I mentioned in last week's post that since I buried this blog in 2012, I have taken up the mantle of homeschooling the boys. In 2015, Eli was in 3rd grade, and came home from school in tears more times that I care to count because of the high-pressure testing culture that was becoming the norm in Georgia...3rd grade, y'all. He would get his little nine-year-old self so wound up over "benchmarks" and "milestones" that the only way he could decompress was to melt into a puddle of tears when I picked him up in the afternoons. It was heartbreaking. This sweet, wiggly little boy, who already struggled in math but worked so hard at everything his teachers asked him to do...his spirit was being crushed, and I saw the spark of a love of learning diminish each time he "failed" one of those stupid tests.

And as a teacher? Well, there were rumblings of my pay being tied to my students' performance on high-stakes tests. Which I can appreciate being measured and compensated based on my performance as a teacher, but the tests wouldn't necessarily count for or against the students in any way, shape, or form. So basically my livelihood might depend on whether or not a student chose to take the test seriously or "Christmas tree" the whole thing. Let's face it, teenagers aren't dumb.  They would have figured out if the test didn't count for them, and most of them wouldn't put any effort into something that they knew wasn't real. Now, I don't know if Georgia ever went that route or not, so I'm not saying this is what actually happened. All I know is that the question of how the tests would count for students was floating around in 2015 when I closed my classroom door for the last time.

Now, I'm not against public education at all; society as a whole benefits from an educated public. Kids can still receive a good education in public school if their parents are involved in their academic lives...from my experience, this is normally the number one indicator of academic success.  And many homeschooling families (my family included) are just one lost job away from needing to put the public school system to use. But I am so thankful for the season God has put us in.  Jason and I had been contemplating homeschooling for a year or so.  And I thought we had settled on me teaching one more year (2015-16), so we could pay off some debt. But God...Isn't that just the way He is?  But God...He had other plans.

While out to dinner for our 11th anniversary, Jason told me that I should go ahead and tell my principal that I would not be coming back for the next school year. So all within a month's time, I had broken my contract with the school system, withdrawn the boys from school, spent a small fortune on Amazon for all the books and curriculum I thought I'd need, and raided the library for as many library books on Ancient civilizations as I could possibly find.  We were going to go the classical education route (more on that in another post later), and we were starting from the very beginning (of recorded history).

Among many other things, we studied ancient Egypt, Greece, and Rome, math, and classifications of living things. We played with magnets and compasses, did nature walks and artist studies, memorized poetry, learned cursive, joined a co-op for P.E. classes, and read books on top of books from children's versions of the Iliad and Odyssey to Little House to A Christmas Carol. My goal for the first year of our homeschooling adventure was to help the boys love school again (which I find sad to say since they were only in 2nd and 4th grades). Look how little they were!

Who doesn't love reading in a box?

The haul from the library.

Inspired by Van Gogh's "Sunflowers"

Doing a unit on birds. Drawing what they saw and finding out names, habitats, and sounds.

We were also able to pack school up and take it to North Carolina in early September. We stayed at my parents' house for a few days while Jason interviewed for a job in Oak Ridge, Tn. and did school in their RV (that was a lot of fun!). The week we were there, my Mammaw passed away, and we got to be there to hold her hand and say our goodbyes. I have the sweetest video of Eli reading Little House in the Big Woods to her; his sweet little voice reading those words to the woman who had actually lived that kind of life...churned her own butter, scalded her own hog, given her own children oranges and peppermint candy for Christmas. That week I realized for the first time why God had brought us to homeschooling in the first place.  Sure, I can give my boys a wonderful, living education and the personal attention they need, but more importantly was the time we were granted.  Time to be present for all of the important moments we would otherwise have missed.  That lesson would be driven home time and time again over the next three and a half years.

Excavating the Relic

This is what we look like now.  Taller (them), older (me).  My how things have changed.

It has been nearly 7 years since this blog has seen the light of day. Why? I couldn't quite tell you. In that time, the boys have gone from 7 and almost 5 to 14 and almost 12. Teenager. I have a teenager in my home now, y'all. And one more following fast on his heels. In 2015, I quit teaching at Perry (let's say I decided that public education and I have irreconcilable differences) and have started homeschooling these goobers. We're starting our fifth year of this messy, miraculous madness of homeschooling. I've learned as much as the boys have...what people call "redeeming" my education. And I'm redeeming my time with the boys. I love the time I've gotten with them as a result of this surrendering to God's design for our family at this time in our lives.

We moved. Since 2016, we're no longer suffering below the gnat line in Middle Georgia. Now we live in Oak Ridge, Tennessee right outside of Knoxville. We moved for Jason's career and never looked back. Jason is killing it at work, and the boys and I have found our tribe in a Classical Conversations community.

We became foster parents to a sweet little girl named Abby. She spent a gloriously messy 9 months with us, and we loved her big. She was reunited with her mom in September 2018, and though we knew that was the desired outcome, we were devastated when she left us. But God has a way of restoring all things. He put that family back together, and He continues to put our hearts back together each day, too.

This move also got us closer to my parents in North Carolina...which looking back on the last three years has been the whole purpose of God in all of the changes in our lives since I buried this blog in 2012. In 2017, my sweet mother was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. For two years, the boys and I were able pick up and go at a moment's notice to be with Momma. We experienced the totality of a solar eclipse with her, we went to the beach twice with her, we celebrated each time she finished a round of chemo. And on April 28, 2019, we held her hand as Jesus called her home. All thanks to homeschool and a closer address.  The thread of God's faithfulness is fully apparent in our lives.

So where do I go from here? We shall see. Maybe I'll pick back up on my 1,000 gifts counting.  Maybe I'll share a bit of what I've learned during my time homeschooling. Maybe I'll share favorite recipes and writer's workshop prompts.  More than likely it will be simply my musings on this vapor they call life.  This lovely flower quickly fading, but filled with such beauty because of its brevity.

I'm so glad I'm a part of the family of God...

Three gifts family...This would be so easy to write (yet again) about my husband and two kids.  They are the most important people in my life and they make me so happy...and simultaneously crazy.  I wouldn't trade the life I have now for anything in the world.  But I'm going to try to write differently today...

Three gifts family...

Did anyone else sing that song in church "The Family of God."  I remember at Hebron, John Williams would sometimes close the service with that song.  "Join hands across the aisle."  Anyone else remember that?  "I'm so glad I'm a part of the family of God.  I've been washed in the fountain, cleansed by His blood.  Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod, for I'm part of the family, the family of God."  As a young person, even though I was a Christ follower, that song didn't make much sense to me.  Honestly, I always thought it said "Join hands with Jesus..."  I didn't understand that "joint heirs" meant that we had been adopted as children of the King.  I didn't understand that we had been grafted in...a wild olive branch.  Let me just say that again...I am a daughter of the King!!!  He chose me!  And did you know that, according to Jewish tradition, adopted children can never be disowned...a person can disown their biological children, but a child who has been adopted can never have that taken from them.  So the King who chose me to be His child, will NEVER turn his back on me.  I marvel today (and many days) that I have been grafted into the "family of God."  That He would choose such a one as I.

So my three gifts "family" today are going to center around the amazing knowledge that God chooses to adopt us into His family.  That through the bloood of Jesus, I am made clean and called a child of God.

61.  Thankful for a godly heritage.  That I was taught about God's grace, mercy, and love from a very young age.

62.  Thankful for the "family of God" at the three different churches that have shaped me as a Christ follower: Hebron, Hollywood, Second Baptist.  So thankful that the Word of God was and still is preached unashamedly and that these men and women are reaching their world in the name of Jesus.

63.  So thankful that my earthly family will be with me in Heaven one day.  We're still praying and teaching Sawyer (he's still very young), but the day that Elijah got saved was as good as the day I got saved.  This momma's heart is so happy that my children are walking in faith.

Joy Dare-3 Gifts Full (#57-59)

A Full Life

Bursting at the seams-full of noise and movement and Lego's and kisses and sword fights and Sunday School art and laundry and Bible verses and prayers and...

Oh Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee.
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thy oceans depths its flow
May richer fuller be.


...at times weariness.

But in spite of my daily struggle to keep up with all that I have to do as a wife, mother, teacher, God manages to show me His abundance.

57.  A pool full of water to splash and play on a lovely June evening.

58.  An iPhone full of songs that fills my home with worship and "dance parties."

59.  A lap full of praying boys.

...and a bonus...

60.  A flower bed full of these beauties...that remind me of my mother...

"Old Maids"

Joy Dare-Gifts at 8, 12, and 2 (# 54-56)

54.  8:00-A new dress to wear to church this morning.


55.  12:00-My first Compassion sponsorship

56.  2:00-Being able to fill a grocery cart with a week's worth of food without having to worry about not being able to pay for my other bills.

I am SO BLESSED!

Emptiness

I have neglected Ann Voskamp's blog "A Holy Experience" for far too long!  I followed it faithfully for a while, and for whatever reason, I stopped checking in.  Well, I checked in today and she is counting three gifts a day all year until it hits 1000!  So I'm going to start today in counting at least three things I'm thankful for each day...I'll call this #51-53.


Thankful for emptiness.  That seems to be an impossibility.  Emptiness is always equated with loneliness...uselessness.  An empty tank in a car takes you nowhere.  An empty stomach causes a gnawing ache inside.  But what about an empty life?  Is it painful?  Is it lonely?  Is it useless?  This world would tell us "yes."  Why else do we try so hard to fill our days with movement, noise, activity, acquaintances, busy-ness?  Even Christ-followers are guilty of filling our time according to this world's standards.  We satisfy ourselves on the things of this world, and because we are so full of the world, there is no room left for Him.  The Bride has even become guilty of filling our lives with "church" instead of worship.  We have become Martha...too busy to join Mary at the feet of Jesus.

So why should we be thankful for emptiness?  Because unless we are emptied of ourselves, of the world, we have no room for Jesus to fill us.  John the Baptist said, "He must increase, but I must decrease."  I must be emptied of myself every single day.  Because when I am full of myself and the world, that is when I become useless in the hands of the Potter.  My emptiness...our emptiness of ourselves allows God to fill us to overflowing with his mighty, victorious power.  So yes, emptiness is something to be thankful for.  Emptiness allows God to use this weak and broken vessel for His glory.

51.  An empty gas tank...because it means that I got to make a trip with my boys to visit Grandmomma and Grandaddy.  I'm so thankful for my parents and their love for their grand babies.  I hope my boys grow up with sweet memories of their time with their grandparents.

52.  An empty composition book in which to scrawl and doodle and muse.

53.  An empty classroom...because I desperately needed this summer break!

Father...that You may increase and I may decrease.  Empty me of the troubles of the world and fill me with Your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 

(ground) Beef...It's what's for dinner!!

Cheeseburger Macaroni...it's super easy, and I promise you'll never want Hamburger Helper again!  This was a Pinterest find from my sister, and it is SOOOOO good!  There are quite a few lovely recipes on this website.

Oh...look what I bought today!!

I've got a whole box...other than just eating them out of hand (which I will do lots of) I've got to turn them into something yummy!  This makes me very happy :)

Multitude on Monday 42-50

Ahhh...sweet summertime...

This time of year brings me so much to be thankful for.  After spending nine months taking care of other people's children (which I do love doing...otherwise God wouldn't have called me to be a teacher), I get six(ish) weeks to spend with mine...just Momma and Elijah and Sawyer.  We've got a busy summer ahead of us.  Fun things...a week at the beach and days at the park.  Not so fun things...Sawyer's going to have surgery this summer (tubes, adenoids, and tonsils).  But in the midst of it all, God is giving me precious time with these precious boys. 

Ready for T-Ball!!

42.  My Keurig coffee maker...I seriously LOVE being able to have a cup of coffee in less that a minute!  There have even been a couple of mornings that have been cool enough to drink it on the back porch, listening to the birds, feeling the breeze, enjoying the sweet time.

43.  Exciting opportunities...Friday I have the privilege of interviewing with the Georgia Cyber Academy.  This job would allow me to still be a part of the profession that I have a deep love for, but at the same time it would allow me to be more present in my family's life.  I long for time to volunteer at my children's school.  To be able to attend plays and parties without having to beg someone to cover my class.  This job would most certainly give me those opportunities.  I'll also have the choice of schooling for my children.  Jason and I are praying about bringing Elijah home to home school him if this job pans out.  We have done some research on the Veritas Classical School and we are very impressed with what we have seen there.  Sawyer would go to school at least next year for Pre-K and then we might do the same for him.  But the key is...this job.  Y'all join me in praying that God's will be done in all of this and that Jason and I follow His leading in this area.

44.  15 pounds down!!!  YAY :)  Many more to go, but I'll take this for a start!

45.  Time to do my working out during the day...instead of late at night after the boys have gone to bed.

46.  God is still working on me in the idea of "remembrance."  I can't tell you how many times in the past two weeks God has brought this into my life.

47.  Fresh peaches, watermelon, and all foods "summer."  My sweet friend Jan Morton and I are going to do some canning and freezing in the next couple of weeks.  I'm so very excited about it!

48.  Being able to make corn dogs for the boys' lunches today!  They LOVED them, and it's something that I don't get to do all the time.

49.  HYDRANGEAS!!  God perfected flowers when he created these.  My all time favorites :)

50.  A stack of books waiting for me to crack them open...I would post a picture, but it's on my phone and not easily gotten to here.  But reading is something I don't have time to do much of during the school year (at least not books that are on my personal reading list), so I'm so very excited to get the chance to pour over a stack of books during the summer.  My reading...not something I have to read for school!

Remebrance

"Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thy help I come.  And I hope by Thy good pleasure safely to arrive at home.  Jesus sought me when a stranger wandering from the fold of God.  He to rescue me from danger, interpose his precious blood."

Ebenezer?  Besides Scrooge, what is it?  It is a stone that Samuel in the Old Testament raised in remembrance of God's grace towards the Israelites.  The Old Testament is replete with stories of God's people raising pillars of stone in order to remember some defining moment in their lives.  Jacob and Laban set up heaps of stone to remind themselves that they would do no harm to each other.  Samuel raised this Ebenezer stone after a long period of Israel's disobedience to God; as a reminder of God's mercy and steadfast love.  Joshua and the 12 men from the tribes piled 12 stones at the place where God pushed the waters of the Jordan River back for the children of Israel to walk into the Promised Land for the first time.  God commanded them to raise this pillar for it to be a sign among them that when their children asked, "What do these stones mean to you?" all of Israel could say, "This was the day that God fulfilled his promise to us.  This was the day we have waited over 400 years for.  This was the day that changed everything for us."

Each of these stories is a reminder that we are so "prone to wander"...prone to forget.  We no sooner receive one blessing from God, than we forget it and begin asking for something else-something more.  But God, with His "goodness, like a fetter" seeks to bind us, to seal us.  He commands us, just like the Israelites in the days of old, to remember.  To raise Ebenezers.  Because in our remembrance, we will not likely walk away from Him.  When we remember His goodness, we cannot help but fall before Him in the adoration and praise that he desires from us.  When we remember the depths from which He saved us, the bondage from which he redeemed us, the miry clay that He took us from to set us upon the Solid Rock...well...that's when He no longer has to seek to bind us or to seal us, we will willingly set our hearts before him.  We will gladly call Him Lord...Master. 

"Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be.  Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee.  Prone to wander, Lord I fear it.  Prone to leave the God I love.  Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above."

#41.  For the Ebenezers in my life...

July 22, 1991-the day I heard him call out my name.  He said He loved me, and would never leave me, and I've never been the same!

February 1999- as a sophomore in college, God began showing me and teaching me to be totally dependent on Him.

July 10, 2004, July 17, 2005, December 14, 2007...the days that each of the most important people to me became part of my life.

March 7, 2012-The day that Elijah answered the call of God in his little life.  And for anyone who thinks a six year old can't really know what they've done when they become a follower of Christ, I challenge you to talk to Elijah about it.  He's reading a poem (that he wrote) tomorrow at school (the last day of this school year), and when I asked him what his poem was about, he very sweetly answered with, "It's about when I asked Jesus into my heart."  He has told his teacher, friends, anyone that will listen to him about the change God has made in his life.  I'm so proud of that kiddo!

May 24, 2012, the day that all of this dawned on me.  These memorials are reminders of God's steadfast love, His mercies that are new every morning, and His grace that is marvelous, matchless, unchanging, and amazing.

Happy New Year! Post Idea Stolen from Sarah Van Nus :)

As I sit here this evening reflecting on the year that has just passed me, and thinking about the year that is before, I realize that it is a bittersweet thing...this start of a new year.  It is the passing of time; the only thing that, once gone, can never be recovered.  It is children growing up, parents growing old, grandparents dying-things that happen so quickly.  Often, we barely notice the passing of time until it is to late to get back that good night kiss, that lesson taught over how to make the perfect biscuit, that chance to forgive or be forgiven.  But in spite of the sadness that comes from reflecting on the lost year, joy comes from hopes of the new one.  New babies to plan for, a first year of school to be excited by, together times as a family at the beach or in the mountains.  And even though we are not promised one single day, we take delight, as we should, in making plans for the future.  As James points out, "If God wills it, we will do this or that."  There is no wrong in remembering the past...we grow and learn from it...we have much to be thankful for in it.  But we must not dwell in it and miss what God is doing right now in front of us.  There is no wrong in planning for the future...we must always "Be Prepared," as any good Boy Scout would say, but we must not waste our time only making plans for the next year, or we will miss the adventure that God has set before us today.  We will miss the blessing, the joy, the grace that is given to us for this moment.  With all of that being said, here is my list commemorating 2011 and looking forward to 2012...

Five things I am thankful for from the past year

I'm going to call these #36-40 on my way to 1000

36.  I am thankful for jobs.  There are so many people struggling to make ends meet right now.  The question daily haunts them of how to pay the electric bill, or mortgage, or even put food on the table for their children.  Forget about things such as new toys for Christmas or even going to dinner at the local Mexican restaurant.  I so take for granted the fact that there is money in the bank.  Out of milk?  Kroger is just down the road.  There's money in the bank to buy it.  But while I'm out to get milk, I also grab some bananas, and cookies, and some of the good (rather expensive) cheese that I like, and a box of cereal (even though there are three opened boxes at home), and so on.  By the time I'm out of the store, I've spent $50.  All because I've got a little money in the bank and no milk in the refrigerator.  Lord, the next time I want to complain about my job or Jason being home a bit late from his, help me to remember that we could be without these jobs that You have provided for us.

37.  My parents.  They have been married for 40 years.  I'm very thankful for the example that I see in them.  Once the passion of being "in love" wears off,  you realize that true love is hard work and the two of you really taking on that "becoming one" thing that everyone talks about on the wedding day.  Not saying that my passion for Jason is gone after 7 1/2 years...I'm still madly in love with that man (and there are many days that I fall in love with him all over again).  But I can understand that when the flurry of passion flickers instead of flames, when the busy-ness of rasing children slows to the quietness of an empty house, when there is nothing but the "two of us" left, and you still, after all that time, like being with each other...enjoy the other's presence...the feel of her lying next to you...the sound of his breathing...that's true love.

38.  Jason...my rock.  The father of my babies.  The washer of my dishes.  The person I can count on to listen to my crazies.  He never judges me.  Always wants me to be happy.  Makes me laugh every day.  Tells me he loves me many times in a day.  And I never doubt it.

39.  God's faithfulness.  It is great.  There is no shadow of turning.  I'm just being very real right now, I've not been a faithful follower of Christ this year.  It seems that everything else has been more important than my time with my Father.  But praise God, His heart is not the one that does the changing.  He does not turn His back on me.  I'm the one who walks away, and He stays right there, waiting for me to turn my heart back to Him.  Read below about the 5 things I want to change for this year for more about how I plan to remedy this.

40.  Shawn and Mindy Moore.  Our dear friends who moved to Texas about 2 weeks ago.  I'm so very thankful to have had them as a part of my life over the past 2-3 years.  I'm also so very sad that they had to move, but I'm thankful that God has a plan for them and that they are seeing that unfold in their lives.  I miss them very much, but I'm also looking at it as an opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and make some new friends.  Shawn, Mindy, Ian, Owen...we love y'all and miss y'all very much!

**I'll add an extra, but I already talk about them so much, it feels like y'all already know I'm thankful for my boys.  For the smart, funny, sweet, huggable, kind little men they are growing up to be.  I thank God for them every day.

Five things I want to change in 2012

1.  I want to be so much more careful with the way we spend money.  It is my desire for next year to be my last year teaching.  I want to go back to being a stay at home mom.  Jason and I are still trying for another baby, so we will see where that adventure takes us, and I just really want to be able to spend my time taking care of my own children.  Jason and I have even started talks of...gulp...homeschooling.  The only way that any of that can happen is by us tightening our belts, getting rid of our debt, and learning to live lives that are less cluttered by the "wants" of the flesh.  We are way too materialistic, and I want to change that.  To teach my boys that it's not necessarily bad to have "things," but that those "things" too often become our idols. 

2.  Which leads me to my next "change" category for 2012...my time with God.  Honestly folks, I talk a good talk, but don't really live it out in my daily life.  I profess the name of Christ, but have seen in myself lately that it really goes no further.  I've been in church long enough that I know all of the lingo.  I know the Bible pretty well, but it's not because I've studied it recently...it's all from a life before a husband and kids and jobs.  I'm not passing the blame onto anyone else.  It's totally and completely my fault.  I have let other things...important things...things that SHOULD be important...kids, husband, job...come before my walk with my Father.  And as much as I love my husband and my kids, they are not supposed to come before my time with God.  I've also let rather unimportant things like Facebook and Pinterest come before my relationship with God (sometimes even before my time with Jason and the boys).  So my commitment in 2012 is to renewing my walk with God.  I need only to remember the depths from which he saved me in order to understand how I truly need to spend time at the Master's feet each day.

3.  I want to acheive a new level of self control.  It seems that all of the stumbling blocks in my life seem to stem from this one problem: my lack of self control.  This one Fruit of the Spirit that seems to be missing from my life also seems to drive all others.  I lack patience and kindness with my children because I lack the self-control I need to discipline them properly.  I love my boys to the ends of the earth...I can't imagine life without them, but I spend my time yelling, and threatening.  Not loving and nurturing.  I want to be a better mother...I don't want my boys to one day ask the question, "Hey...do you remember how much Momma used to yell?"  I want them to remember me as kind, and patient, and loving.  I'm praying fervently for this area of my life. 

4.  Also stemming from a lack of self-control...my weight.  I know, I know...the most common New Year's resolution...but seriously...I've got to get this under control or I'm facing some serious health problems.  I'm already feeling it in my feet and knees.  Let alone the threat of diabetes (which runs in my family), high blood pressure (also runs in my family and I've already suffered from this), heart disease, and on and on.  I want to have another baby, but I'm not all together sure that I'm healthy enough to be pregnant right now...maybe that's why Jason and I have been trying since July and haven't had any luck yet when it's always been so easy for us to get pregnant.  I can't believe I'm about to type this, but I weighed myself this morning and it wasn't pretty...far from pretty...251.  OUCH!  I'm putting this here as a reminder to myself...I don't know how many people will actually read it, but if I see it in writing...maybe it will spark something in me to do something about this.  And honestly y'all...it has nothing to do with the number on the scale...If I can be healthy a 190 pounds...so be it. If my blood pressure, and cholesterol, and sugar, and all of that is good...I'm happy.

5.  My last one...this blog.  I want to be more faithful in writing.  I try to teach my students that writing is one of the most important things they will ever do.  That to be a good writer, one needs to do two things...read and write...lots of it.  So expect to see more posts more often.  You may see me hashing out some of these issues I wrote about above.  A hard day of dieting, a cry to God for a deeper walk with Him.  You may see stories about the boys and my triumphs at being more patient.  But whatever it is, I want to write.  Whether or not anyone reads in...well...that's ok.


Five ways I want serve others in 2012

1.  In Sunay School, I want to take the lead in planning fellowships and making sure that people in our class are taken care of.  We've got a couple in our class who are struggling financially right now and God laid them on my heart in December that we as a class needed to do something to take care of those folks in a time of need.  God showed me that there is a need for this ministry in our class.  I want to be obedient to what I hear Him calling me to do.

2.  Assistant coach an UpWard t-ball team this spring.  I don't know enough to be a head coach, but I can get out there and throw balls for kids to run after!

3.  I want to better serve my students this year.  This entails a lot, but the general idea is that my morale as a teacher is very low right now.  There is so much pressure being put on teachers; more training, more testing, more students, less planning time, less instructional time.  The thing I want to remember...it's not my students' fault that all of this...stuff...is being put on me.  I wanted to be a teacher, and that is exactly what I'm going to be.  The extra...stuff...is just that...extra.  And though it may be required of me to stay late for meetings and webinars and blah, blah, blah, I'm not going to let it affect me with in the walls of my classroom during the time I have those kids.  They deserve a teacher who is eager, and excited, and ready to impart wisdom to them. 

4. Notes of encouragement throughout the year to the special people in my life.

5.  I don't know how, with my own full time job and all, but somehow I want to do some volunteer work at Hilltop Elementary, my son's school.  Maybe after school in the library or in his teacher's classroom cleaning up from the day.  I'll just have to see where I can fit in.

Well folks, there it is.  It's a lot.  I know that already, but by the grace of God, I'm looking forward to accomplishing so many great things in 2012.  To God be the glory!!

Multitudes on Monday #27-35

"Oh that my words were written!  Oh that they were inscribed in a book!  That with an iron stylus and lead they were engraved in the rock forever!  As for me, I know that my Redeemer lives and at the last He will take his stand on the earth.  Even after my skin is destroyed, yet from my flesh I shall see God..." Job 19: 23-26

27.  The promise of eternal life with God.  Father, thank You, for overcoming the grave, that I may say with Job that, yes indeed, my Redeemer lives.  And because He lives, I too can live...here on earth and in Heaven with my Jesus. 

"And then one day, I'll cross that river.  I'll fight life's final war with pain.  And then as death gives way to victory, I'll see the light of Glory, and I'll know He lives.  Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.  Because He lives, all fear is gone.  Because I know, He holds my future, and life is worth the living just because He lives."

Someone sang this song at my Pap Paw's funeral in 1995.  And I remember...although it was one of the saddest days of my then 16 years... I remember that song making me happy.  In the midst of my sorrow, the words of this old hymn brought me peace.  I think I now understand the song a little better, now that I've doubled my age.  Because of Christ's sacrifice, we are able to rest securely in His arms in our present and our future.  That song clearly says He holds that future, but life (the here and now) is worth the living because of that sacrifice of Christ.  I stand amazed all over again at the power of the cross...and of the Resurrection.  We can't leave Jesus on the cross or in the grave.  Without the Resurrection, the grave is as far as we would go...but HE LIVES!  And so can we...

And everything seems so trivial after that, but I do have more to thank God for today...

28.  Cooler weather.  We sure did bake this summer in Middle Georgia, and I'm glad to have some 78 degree weather.  The boys (big and small) have been enjoying it, too.  In general, I just love this time of year.  October through December just make me happy.  It's not simply because of the holidays that we celebrate...not the way we celebrate them anyway.  We skip through Thanksgiving just to get to Christmas, when the one thing that most of us could stand is a little less 'stuff' and a little more gratitude.  That's not why I love this time of year.  It's sort of the idea of retreating into my home with my guys and welcoming in those we love.  It's the cooking I get to do because it is my way of showing people that they are important to me.  It's the smell of oranges and cinnamon and apples and cloves bubbling away on my stove.  It's the warmth inside and the chill outside.  The sharp smell of little boys who have just come in from playing in the cool air. 

29.  Thankful for a week off to enjoy the lovely weather.  It's our Fall Break!  And though we're staying close to home, we've got lots to do.  We're going to visit Grandmomma and Granddaddy tomorrow and Wednesday.  We'll hit the fair this weekend, I'm sure.  The boys and I are going to paint some tiny wooden airplanes...I don't really know why; they found them at Walmart for a dollar a piece; I had the paint and brushes...there just wasn't a very good reason to say no.  I may even get some pansies and mums and get some pots going by the front door.  Or maybe something like this...

30.  Jason and I have decided to host a Halloween party this year.  It's our first time to host a real party where I'm getting to decorate and just kind of go all out for it.  A silly thing to be thankful for, but I'm so excited to be hosting it!

31.  A new down comforter that let Jason and I sleep with the windows open last night.  It was glorious! 

32.  A husband who did every.  single.  piece.  of.  laundry.  I'm serious...I did not touch laundry this weekend, because I have the best husband ever...period.

33.  A new book waiting for me on my Kindle.  Charles Frazier's new book Nightwoods.

34.  I am thankful for the blessing of counting these gifts.  That I am able to look past my circumstances (which aren't all that bad to begin with) and thank God for what he has poured out in my life.  I will not let people (at the hands of the devil) steal my joy.  I want to spend my time praising God for his blessings, not harboring anger and bitterness in my heart. 

35.  Where I'm From (With respect to George Ella Lyon)

I am from front porches
from porch swings and creek banks
I am from maple trees and mountain breeze.
(cool--napping at midday in the summer
     heat)

I am from white half runners and "better boys"
the old barns
whose smells I remember
as if they were they were as fresh as a new baby.

I'm from chocolate balls and homemade dills
     from Doris and Rondal U.S.
I'm from sneaking out at nap time
     with Pap Paw for an ice cream
     at the country store.
I'm from unknown languages and
     Victory in Jesus
Mam Maw's strong soprano in the choir

I'm from George and Neva's land
     Day-old biscuts and black coffee
From the leg my grandfather lost
     in the War.
From the scar on Daddy's foot from
     the pitchfork

In my closet--quilts and afghans
an old cow bell--remnants of by-gone days
when the world seemed simpler.
I am from the warmth of these moments
The distant flicker of
lightning bugs in the night.

Did some writing with my kiddos in class today...

Here is what I got on paper...

"Mother and the Baby"

You can never have too much baby.  You can fall asleep and wake up to realize that you've fallen in love all over again, and a baby can save your faith when you think hope is lost.  In this world there is too much anger and not enough baby.  Dimples and grins are too few and so are chubby toes and most things that are beautiful.

Mother, who is weary, who sometimes wishes for a peaceful evening of rest, realized something in the wee hours of the morning.  Mother, who longs for a quiet bath or a chance to sit with a cup of coffee and a book, this morning breathed in that intoxicating scent of a new baby-the spell of heaven. 

She turns to face her husband in bed, the new baby nuzzling her skin, and says come smell this. He looks at her funny, and she says I'm serious.  He slides closer and puts his nose into the baby's fine, blond hair.  Do you smell that?  Do you know what that is?  That's  a second chance.  A second chance?  the husband asked.  A second chance, the mother said, and made it that simple.

Testing...testing...is this thing still on???

It's been way too long since I've posted.  An entire month of school has come and gone.  Elijah and Sawyer both have grown so much in the new school year.  I've met and grown to love a whole new batch of kids.  We come home every day and play and do homework and cook supper and play some more and take baths and brush teeth and study God's word and say prayers and read books and sing songs and tuck in and clean the kitchen and grade papers...all to start over again the next morning.  It's all very routine, but these are the moments in my life that God whispers to me..."Look around you...I've done this just for you."  The school year is in full swing for all of us and in the midst of what can sometimes be chaos, God still pours out his blessings on this unworthy vessel. 

22.  Listening to Elijah read each night.  He's becoming such a little reader...which I absolutely love.  We got his first progress report home last week, and he's right on track with reading, writing, and spelling.  Math is a separate matter.  We have to do some extra work to stay caught up in math...but he is my son.  Insert clever math joke here about the 2x not falling far from the quadratic formula or something like that!

23.  Sawyer is now going to Meadowdale in Perry.  I get to take him to school every day.  I love having that time with that sweet boy each morning and afternoon.  Our favorite things to do are to sing "Oh Happiness" at the top of our lungs and count how many "big trucks" we see between Bonaire and Perry.  He is enamored with the trucks that carry live chickens.

24.  A long weekend.  I know school has only been going for five weeks, but an extra day this weekend was much needed.  We spent the weekend at my parents house surrounded by family.  My sister and her family came (those boys sure do love playing together).  My aunt Joyce and Uncle Harold and cousin Lynn came to visit on Sunday.  Sadly, all too often, I don't get to see my aunts, uncles, and cousins except for Christmastime, so a visit with them this weekend was so much fun.

25.  Listening to my babies say their prayers every night at our family prayer time.  Elijah is growing out of saying the little "poem" kind of prayers.  He actually talks to God, thanks God, praises God...for His goodness and grace, for the cross and the resurrection.  I can't wait to see what God does with this sweet, precious little boy who has such a tender heart.

26.  Sawyer's new teacher talking about how smart he is.  She has been working with her kids on learning a letter of the alphabet each week.  How to write the letter and everything.  Sawyer already recognizes all of the letters and can tell you what each one "says."  He even knows how to write many of them.  Ms. Rachel says that by the time the other kids have written one or two of the letters, Sawyer has filled his paper.  He's such a bright little stinker!

So no pictures tonight.  I just wanted to continue on with my 1000 Gifts list.  I've started one at school as well.  My students are helping me put it together.  This thankfulness project has changed me...well, God has changed me through it.  I find myself being made aware of all of the blessings that I do have in my life instead of dwelling on those that I don't.  I find myself being kinder and more patient with my husband and boys, which is the whole reason I started the journey (go back to see this post).  And continuously saying to myself...

Praise the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all his blessings.
Who forgives all your sins,
And heals all your diseases.
Who satisfies your desires with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. 

New beginnings, new babies

A new school year.  I've never not been in school; I've always been either a student or a teacher.  I refer to a year in terms of August to May.  I've ALWAYS loved the start of a new school year...even as a student.  And...really...even though I may complain about going back to work tomorrow, I am so very excited about the possibilities of the new year that lies ahead of me.

My mind has been turning all day long; running through ideas for the first few days of school.  This is the beginning of my seventh year of teaching, and I'll admit to having butterflies in my stomach tonight.  Questions swirl in my head.  What will my new students be like?  How big will my classes be?  And the ever important...What am I going to wear tomorrow?

As I prepare my heart and mind and my classroom for a new batch of babies (because even in high school, they're still babies), I'm reminded of all new beginnings in life.  We always prepare ourselves for new beginnings.  I mean, we wouldn't bring a new baby home from the hospital without at least some preparations of our homes.  Most of us don't even begin a new day without strengthening our bodies the night before with a good night's sleep.  I have not gone without preparing my classroom for those precious students that will walk through my door tomorrow.  So my question (to myself) is; is my heart prepared for what God wants to do in and through me this year (August to May and beyond)? 

Father, I pray, as this new year begins...please use me.  Make me a minister within the walls of my classroom.  A minister of encouragement, peace, healing...that we may all say at the end of the year, "To God be the glory, great things he has done."

Multitudes on Monday 18-21

18.  Shopping for school supplies.  I always loved this as a kid.  A new lunchbox with a thermos.  A new box of crayons.  These little purple and pink pencils with the individual lead cartridges (they smelled like grapes and strawberries)

 Now I'm getting to take Elijah shopping for school supplies.  He is so excited to start first grade.  I love seeing these moments through the eyes of my own children. 

19.  A weekend visit to my grandmother's house in North Carolina.  I'm so thankful to have been able to grow up visting these mountains during the summer, and now I'm thankful to have been able to take my own children to visit this place that is so vivid in my memory.

20.  A few date nights with my husband before school starts.  Momma and Daddy have the boys, so we don't have to pay daycare for them this week.  God bless my parents...they are the BEST grandparents in the world.  I know how exhausting my two kids can be...read the post called "War Zone" for a picture of what a day with my kids looks like.  It is quite an adventure.  I sure do miss those little boogers when they're not with me.

21.  A new school year.  It makes me sad to see the summer come to an end; all that time with the boys now behind me until next year.  But I am excited to see what God has in store for this new school year.  Having lunch at the Swanson with all of the ladies was the perfect way to start the school year.  Now I just pray that I can get everything done before next Monday.  And I pray for a blessing on this new year.  New students.  Clean slates.  Lord, use me in the lives of my students.  Help me to be a blessing in the lives of the people I come across every day.  Be glorified in my classroom, Father.  Allow it to be a place of peace in the lives of my students.  Help me impart wisdom to these young ones that you are trusting me with. 

Multitude on Mondays #11-17

11.  The boys were up early this morning.  Jason came to the bedroom and shut the door so I could stay in bed for a few extra minutes...My word, how  I love that man.

12.  The smell of freshly perc-ed coffee when I got out of bed this morning.  Made by Jason...did I mention that he's the best husband...EVER?

13.  Watching the news in bed this morning with a cup of that coffee.  I'm enjoying all of these little moments in my last week of summer...next week, it'll be a cup of coffee while I'm driving to work.

14.  A bright, sunshiny day.  I am thankful for the rain and reprieve from the heat we got this weekend, but I'm glad to see the sun again.

15.  A pool and a float.  Again...not too many days left for this!

16.  Angry Birds on the iPod.  It keeps Sawyer busy while I take a shower. 

17.  Have you heard the song "Oh Happiness" by David Crowder?  It is ah-mazing.  Download it to your iPod immediately.  It really makes me happy.  It's about God's grace being big enough to take care of me...yet there's still enough to go around for you, too.  It's a funky little upbeat song.

I'm feeling a bit misty-eyed today...

Here's why...

Where are you going, little one, my little one...

7/17/2005...my sick little boy

Going home...8/5/2005

Where are you going, baby, my own...

On oxygen...

Finally off oxygen...

Turn around, and you're one...

Happy 1st birthday!

Turn around, and you're four...

1st day of Pre-K

Turn around, you're a young man going out of the door.

My big 6 year old man...

Happy 6th birthday to my precious Elijah.  "I'll love you forever.  I'll like you for always.  As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

Love,
Momma

My War Zone

6:45 am-Saturday morning.  I wake to the sounds of their feet on the floor-something that sounds like choppers flying through the house...tat tat tat tat tat tat...I'm glad they don't know how to be quieter.  I can brace myself against the coming attack and shake off the fog of my early morning dreams (Oh how I wish I could hang on to those dreams).  When I hear those feet on the floor, I always ask, "Why so early?"  But there is no sleeping late when there's a war on.

                They climb on the bed (not IN...ON...IN would imply that they were getting under the covers to go back to sleep.  Oh no...they climb ON...to jump) and immediately start firing.  "I want (JUMP) french  toast sticks...I want (JUMP) a banana...I want (JUMP) yogurt."  I make my escape while they are attacking—they are attacking my comrade.  But they follow me...still firing..."I want to watch a movie...No!  It's MY TURN...I want to watch Spiderman...Momma, is Spidey a good guy or a bad guy?  Momma, is Spidey a good guy or a bad guy?  Momma is Spidey a good guy or a bad guy?”  I usually dodge this one every time with "I don't know, baby, you tell me."  Then the volley continues with, "Momma is Black Spidey a good guy or a bad guy?  He's got my Spiderman mask...I want some juice...Momma, he hit me...Wahaahha...Shriek, cry, scream, cry, scream, shriek...tat tat tat tat tat...It's now only 7:00 am... 

                My arsenal usually consists of "STOP THAT!  SIT DOWN!  DON'T CLIMB!  YOU'RE GOING TO GET HURT! DON'T HIT YOUR BROTHER! GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN! BABE!  CAN YOU HELP ME!!!  DO YOU NEED TO GO TO YOUR ROOM?  DO YOU NEED A SPANKIN'?  NO!  DON'T!  QUIT!  STOP!"  My stores are much more limited than theirs...and I know they're bored with it, because I am, too.  It's 7:15...

                The living room looks like the train table hit a land mine.  Thomas and Percy, James and Gordon all laying exposed and vulnerable where they were tossed the night before, casualties of these destructive little whirlwinds who reside here.  We were entirely too tired last night to survey the damage and account for our fallen...they lay where they fell, waiting for someone to come and claim them.  No sooner than the casualties are accounted for and reported, the war front changes and the battles start all over again. 

                The day continues in much the same way-with "gun-fire" and running for cover.  They turn ham and cheese into grenades at lunch-but if I can make it through this battle, I know a TEMPORARY cease fire is coming.  Naptime.  A two hour break in the madness is a welcome reprieve; but it is not completely peaceful.  Naptime is a chance to clean up messes, reconfigure, and re-strategize...all while walking softly and keeping vigilant for the attack I know is coming.

                The war resumes, but we move to a new battlefield.  Outdoors.  At least now they turn on each other to wage war instead of coming after us.  They argue over bikes, swings, and rights to the slide.  They bomb each other with pea gravel and dirt clods.  The noise they make is not so deafening out here.  As dinner time approaches, I know the truce is coming. 

                Bellies full, bath, books, and bed.  These sleepy terrors, for a few brief moments, grant us sanctuary.  They now attack with hugs, kisses, and the sweet scent of their lavender soap.  They snuggle into our laps and eagerly listen to books about sharks and dinosaurs and trains and tractors.  We hear the sweet sounds of prayers instead of shrieks and cries.  We quiet our voices for lullabies instead of yelling for them to cease and desist.  As I tuck them into bed, kissing and saying "I love you, little man," I realize that, even though I am weary, and I know that the truce is only temporary, I would not trade this war for the peace I'd have without them.

Godspeed, little man

Sweet dreams, little man

Oh my love will fly to you each night

On angels’ wings

Godspeed

Sweet dreams

                                                                                --The Dixie Chicks

Twenty years gone and back again...

Ok...so unlike Odysseus, I haven't been gone for twenty years.  I did, however, go off a-roaming for a while.  My little family spent a week in the mountains of Tennessee "camping."  I use quotation marks because our "camping" trip was spent in my parents RV with beds, a refridgerator, stove, and most importantly...AC!  So while we weren't without some luxuries, we did go for a week without the things that so distract us in our modern world.  No cable television.  No internet.  We did take a few movies with us to fill the time between the boys bath and their bedtime.  But aside from those movies, we spent our time busy as a family with trips to Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge, days at the campground pool and waterslide, by the creek and trout pond, s'mores and coffee by the campfire.  When the day came for us to leave, Elijah, my oldest, cried.  And it sort of made my heart hurt.  Made me long for days spent tossing rocks into the creek and making simple memories with these boys.  That week did my heart good for a few reasons...

Look at God showing off...

Brothers actually loving each other

We got to do things like this...

...and this...

We got back from our trip just in time to celebrate America's birthday with some friends.  And then one week later, Jason and I celebrated 7 years of marriage.  July 10, 2004, Jason and I made the committment to love, honor, and cherish each other for as long as we both shall live.  And it's been 7 good years...blessed years.

Be patient while my heart skips a beat!  Oh how I love this man...

This past Saturday, we celebrated Elijah's 6th birthday.  He won't be 6 until July 17...but our friend Mindy and her kids are leaving for Texas that weekend (leaving Shawn behind...we'll feed you Shawn!), so we decided to have the party a week early so they could be there.  I'm going to do a whole post on Elijah and his birth story on Sunday.  I'll finish today with my "Thankful Thursday" # 6-10.

6.  America!  To quote Lee Greenwood...I'm proud to be an American.  Thank You, Father, that you blessed me by letting me be a part of this great nation.  Lord, I pray for this country.  Turn the hearts of the people back to you.  Hold off your judgment.  Stay your hand just a bit longer.  I'm praying for revival.  Send your Holy Spirit fire, Lord God.  Let us stand with Israel.  Let us live within our means.  Let us learn the value of hard work and simple faith once again.  I beg of You, Father, start with me.

7.  My parents...I love you Momma and Daddy.  Thank you for everything you do for us. 

8.  Reconciliation...with people here on earth and with the Heavenly Father through the blood of Jesus Christ.

9.Friends...Shawn and Mindy, Ian and Owen.  I'm so thankful that God brought this family into our lives.  We are truly blessed to know them and to love them!

10. Time away from the bustle of my crazy life. Time away from the computer, television, running here and there. Time to witness God's handiwork. Time to see that boys really do love each other (even if they don't act like it most days). Time to fill them up with sugar because there hasn't been time for a nap.  7 years of time that have gone by in a blink, but 7 years of time that have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams.  Simply...time. Precious Lord, may the time be long...amen.

The beginnings of our "Thankful Stars"