Happy New Year! Post Idea Stolen from Sarah Van Nus :)

As I sit here this evening reflecting on the year that has just passed me, and thinking about the year that is before, I realize that it is a bittersweet thing...this start of a new year.  It is the passing of time; the only thing that, once gone, can never be recovered.  It is children growing up, parents growing old, grandparents dying-things that happen so quickly.  Often, we barely notice the passing of time until it is to late to get back that good night kiss, that lesson taught over how to make the perfect biscuit, that chance to forgive or be forgiven.  But in spite of the sadness that comes from reflecting on the lost year, joy comes from hopes of the new one.  New babies to plan for, a first year of school to be excited by, together times as a family at the beach or in the mountains.  And even though we are not promised one single day, we take delight, as we should, in making plans for the future.  As James points out, "If God wills it, we will do this or that."  There is no wrong in remembering the past...we grow and learn from it...we have much to be thankful for in it.  But we must not dwell in it and miss what God is doing right now in front of us.  There is no wrong in planning for the future...we must always "Be Prepared," as any good Boy Scout would say, but we must not waste our time only making plans for the next year, or we will miss the adventure that God has set before us today.  We will miss the blessing, the joy, the grace that is given to us for this moment.  With all of that being said, here is my list commemorating 2011 and looking forward to 2012...

Five things I am thankful for from the past year

I'm going to call these #36-40 on my way to 1000

36.  I am thankful for jobs.  There are so many people struggling to make ends meet right now.  The question daily haunts them of how to pay the electric bill, or mortgage, or even put food on the table for their children.  Forget about things such as new toys for Christmas or even going to dinner at the local Mexican restaurant.  I so take for granted the fact that there is money in the bank.  Out of milk?  Kroger is just down the road.  There's money in the bank to buy it.  But while I'm out to get milk, I also grab some bananas, and cookies, and some of the good (rather expensive) cheese that I like, and a box of cereal (even though there are three opened boxes at home), and so on.  By the time I'm out of the store, I've spent $50.  All because I've got a little money in the bank and no milk in the refrigerator.  Lord, the next time I want to complain about my job or Jason being home a bit late from his, help me to remember that we could be without these jobs that You have provided for us.

37.  My parents.  They have been married for 40 years.  I'm very thankful for the example that I see in them.  Once the passion of being "in love" wears off,  you realize that true love is hard work and the two of you really taking on that "becoming one" thing that everyone talks about on the wedding day.  Not saying that my passion for Jason is gone after 7 1/2 years...I'm still madly in love with that man (and there are many days that I fall in love with him all over again).  But I can understand that when the flurry of passion flickers instead of flames, when the busy-ness of rasing children slows to the quietness of an empty house, when there is nothing but the "two of us" left, and you still, after all that time, like being with each other...enjoy the other's presence...the feel of her lying next to you...the sound of his breathing...that's true love.

38.  Jason...my rock.  The father of my babies.  The washer of my dishes.  The person I can count on to listen to my crazies.  He never judges me.  Always wants me to be happy.  Makes me laugh every day.  Tells me he loves me many times in a day.  And I never doubt it.

39.  God's faithfulness.  It is great.  There is no shadow of turning.  I'm just being very real right now, I've not been a faithful follower of Christ this year.  It seems that everything else has been more important than my time with my Father.  But praise God, His heart is not the one that does the changing.  He does not turn His back on me.  I'm the one who walks away, and He stays right there, waiting for me to turn my heart back to Him.  Read below about the 5 things I want to change for this year for more about how I plan to remedy this.

40.  Shawn and Mindy Moore.  Our dear friends who moved to Texas about 2 weeks ago.  I'm so very thankful to have had them as a part of my life over the past 2-3 years.  I'm also so very sad that they had to move, but I'm thankful that God has a plan for them and that they are seeing that unfold in their lives.  I miss them very much, but I'm also looking at it as an opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and make some new friends.  Shawn, Mindy, Ian, Owen...we love y'all and miss y'all very much!

**I'll add an extra, but I already talk about them so much, it feels like y'all already know I'm thankful for my boys.  For the smart, funny, sweet, huggable, kind little men they are growing up to be.  I thank God for them every day.

Five things I want to change in 2012

1.  I want to be so much more careful with the way we spend money.  It is my desire for next year to be my last year teaching.  I want to go back to being a stay at home mom.  Jason and I are still trying for another baby, so we will see where that adventure takes us, and I just really want to be able to spend my time taking care of my own children.  Jason and I have even started talks of...gulp...homeschooling.  The only way that any of that can happen is by us tightening our belts, getting rid of our debt, and learning to live lives that are less cluttered by the "wants" of the flesh.  We are way too materialistic, and I want to change that.  To teach my boys that it's not necessarily bad to have "things," but that those "things" too often become our idols. 

2.  Which leads me to my next "change" category for 2012...my time with God.  Honestly folks, I talk a good talk, but don't really live it out in my daily life.  I profess the name of Christ, but have seen in myself lately that it really goes no further.  I've been in church long enough that I know all of the lingo.  I know the Bible pretty well, but it's not because I've studied it recently...it's all from a life before a husband and kids and jobs.  I'm not passing the blame onto anyone else.  It's totally and completely my fault.  I have let other things...important things...things that SHOULD be important...kids, husband, job...come before my walk with my Father.  And as much as I love my husband and my kids, they are not supposed to come before my time with God.  I've also let rather unimportant things like Facebook and Pinterest come before my relationship with God (sometimes even before my time with Jason and the boys).  So my commitment in 2012 is to renewing my walk with God.  I need only to remember the depths from which he saved me in order to understand how I truly need to spend time at the Master's feet each day.

3.  I want to acheive a new level of self control.  It seems that all of the stumbling blocks in my life seem to stem from this one problem: my lack of self control.  This one Fruit of the Spirit that seems to be missing from my life also seems to drive all others.  I lack patience and kindness with my children because I lack the self-control I need to discipline them properly.  I love my boys to the ends of the earth...I can't imagine life without them, but I spend my time yelling, and threatening.  Not loving and nurturing.  I want to be a better mother...I don't want my boys to one day ask the question, "Hey...do you remember how much Momma used to yell?"  I want them to remember me as kind, and patient, and loving.  I'm praying fervently for this area of my life. 

4.  Also stemming from a lack of self-control...my weight.  I know, I know...the most common New Year's resolution...but seriously...I've got to get this under control or I'm facing some serious health problems.  I'm already feeling it in my feet and knees.  Let alone the threat of diabetes (which runs in my family), high blood pressure (also runs in my family and I've already suffered from this), heart disease, and on and on.  I want to have another baby, but I'm not all together sure that I'm healthy enough to be pregnant right now...maybe that's why Jason and I have been trying since July and haven't had any luck yet when it's always been so easy for us to get pregnant.  I can't believe I'm about to type this, but I weighed myself this morning and it wasn't pretty...far from pretty...251.  OUCH!  I'm putting this here as a reminder to myself...I don't know how many people will actually read it, but if I see it in writing...maybe it will spark something in me to do something about this.  And honestly y'all...it has nothing to do with the number on the scale...If I can be healthy a 190 pounds...so be it. If my blood pressure, and cholesterol, and sugar, and all of that is good...I'm happy.

5.  My last one...this blog.  I want to be more faithful in writing.  I try to teach my students that writing is one of the most important things they will ever do.  That to be a good writer, one needs to do two things...read and write...lots of it.  So expect to see more posts more often.  You may see me hashing out some of these issues I wrote about above.  A hard day of dieting, a cry to God for a deeper walk with Him.  You may see stories about the boys and my triumphs at being more patient.  But whatever it is, I want to write.  Whether or not anyone reads in...well...that's ok.


Five ways I want serve others in 2012

1.  In Sunay School, I want to take the lead in planning fellowships and making sure that people in our class are taken care of.  We've got a couple in our class who are struggling financially right now and God laid them on my heart in December that we as a class needed to do something to take care of those folks in a time of need.  God showed me that there is a need for this ministry in our class.  I want to be obedient to what I hear Him calling me to do.

2.  Assistant coach an UpWard t-ball team this spring.  I don't know enough to be a head coach, but I can get out there and throw balls for kids to run after!

3.  I want to better serve my students this year.  This entails a lot, but the general idea is that my morale as a teacher is very low right now.  There is so much pressure being put on teachers; more training, more testing, more students, less planning time, less instructional time.  The thing I want to remember...it's not my students' fault that all of this...stuff...is being put on me.  I wanted to be a teacher, and that is exactly what I'm going to be.  The extra...stuff...is just that...extra.  And though it may be required of me to stay late for meetings and webinars and blah, blah, blah, I'm not going to let it affect me with in the walls of my classroom during the time I have those kids.  They deserve a teacher who is eager, and excited, and ready to impart wisdom to them. 

4. Notes of encouragement throughout the year to the special people in my life.

5.  I don't know how, with my own full time job and all, but somehow I want to do some volunteer work at Hilltop Elementary, my son's school.  Maybe after school in the library or in his teacher's classroom cleaning up from the day.  I'll just have to see where I can fit in.

Well folks, there it is.  It's a lot.  I know that already, but by the grace of God, I'm looking forward to accomplishing so many great things in 2012.  To God be the glory!!